They crawled out of the woodwork.
They whispered, He used my donations for Botox, and I said, it was filler, slut!
In the sketch, Santos complains, Stop assaulting me.
I am being assaulted.
This entire country has been bullying me just because I am proud gay thief.
What else is new?
America hates to see a Latina queen winning.
He goes on, Since the day I was elected it has been a witch hunt.
But if I am guilty of anything, it is for loving too much/fraud.
Then he addresses the reporters at the press conference.
You called this press conference, a reporter reminds him.
No one asked you to do this.
Santos responds, Well, America needs closure.
The real Santos already was the source of media attention when he took his congressional seat in January.
He has pleaded not guilty.
I dont need them anyway.
(Santos actually said, Why would I want to stay here?
To hell with this place).
SNL, though, got in a few more digs at Santos fabrications.
In the sketch, he tells reporters, My new movie opened this weekend.
Its calledRenaissance: A Film By Beyonce.
Theyll think of me as the modern Princess Diana and the modern Marilyn Monroe.
