Its so lovely to see all of you, Colbert told his studio audience.
I was not aware of the amount of trouble I was in.
I didnt know what was going on.
I thought I might have caught something from Daves beard.
I woke up the next morning just in abdominal agony, and I figured the pain would go away.
How bad could it be?
he says he thought, adding, turns out, extremely bad.
The pain was manageable, Colbert said.
It only hurt when I moved and when I didnt.
Colbert continued that the worst was yet to come.
I dont want to get too technical here: I was dying.
They said when they opened me up, it was like theyd shotJohn Wick 5down there, he said.
They dont know why appendix goes bad because they dont know why they go good.
They have no idea what it does.
Theyre too many to name, he said last night.
You know who you are, and Ill never forget it.
To everyone who did not reach out: I know who you are, and Ill never forget it.
Finally, Colbert thanked his burst appendix because you giving me blood poisoning helped me lose 14 pounds.
Ladies, gentlemen, you heard it here first.
Appendicitis is the new Ozempic.
Watch the segment above.
